Pick Me Up, Scotty
by JudgmentalPraise
Summary: A sweet little (not really) one-shot involving our favourite pairing, Daphne, and a few overly persistent persons of the male species. Also, includes numerous pick-up lines. Be warned. A result of one English session in class where pick-up lines somehow became the topic of conversation.
**One-shot time!**

 **I got this idea at school, during English class when me and a few classmates were talking about pick-up lines (thank god none were used though).**

 **So I thought, why not write a one-shot about Sabrina and Puck involving cheesy pick-up lines, jealousy, and an outsiders POV? Outsider in case being Daphne Grimm.**

 **So it's cheesy, yes. Slightly pathetic and different to what I normally write? Maybe. But do I care? Absolutely not.**

 **It's cute and sweet and short-ish, and that's quite alright with me.**

 **By the way, this is set in new-and-improved Ferryport Landing, in the new and improved Blue Plate Special. There are also more people living here now, hence the desperate bozos who have nothing better to do with their time than serenade a poor girl with pitiful pick-up lines.**

 **Oh, and yes, for those of you who are wondering, the title is a play on the phrase, "Beam Me Up, Scotty," which I find highly entertaining.**

 **:) (one-shots are back, as well as these cute little smiley face A/N enders).**

 **...**

 _"On a scale of one to ten, you're a nine, and I'm the one you need."_

Desperately trying to stifle another giggle behind her second - or was it third? - egg cream, Daphne Grimm once again marvelled at the absurdity of pick-up lines. Granted, some of them were pretty impressive, displaying at least a _little_ creativity, but others were bordering on the line between cringe-worthy and downright embarrassing, both for the giver and the receiver of aforementioned pick-up line.

Throughout the past hour or so, Daphne and her sister, Sabrina, had had to endure several way-too-desperate attempted pick ups from several way-too-desperate persons of the male species (and also one from the female species, which had resulted in overheated cheeks and an uncomfortable silence, filled with awkward stutters from Sabrina, and barely held back laughter from Daphne).

Everything from "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" to, "Do you mind if I walk you home? My mother always told me to follow my dreams," Daphne had enjoyed watching her older sister suffer through so many unwanted, awkward propositions. Thank the heavens none had been directed at her, considering Daphne had only recently turned fifteen. She was quite content watching Sabrina go through such torture without subjecting herself to anything similar, thank you very much.

 _Oh, here comes another one_ , thought Daphne, as she watched a tall, blonde, ever so slightly muscular man walk over to their booth. The Blue Plate Special was filled with numerous patrons, some standing by the counter ordering a variety of coffees, lattes and some otherworldly concoction Daphne had no idea was even considered a beverage, while others sat at one of many tables or booths placed neatly around the small yet spacious diner. The two sisters had chosen to sit at the corner booth, favouring the plush cushions over the leather chairs, while being provided with a wonderful view of the place, as well as the road outside.

As the man approached, Daphne experienced a small shock upon realizing that the man - or, well, _almost_ man - was, in fact, none other than Puck Goodfellow himself. Earlier that day, the two sisters had left the moody fairy back at Granny Relda's house, along with the rest of their family, deciding to instead spend some quality sister time bonding outside in the town. Daphne had practically forced Sabrina to join her, but despite the constant groaning and grumbling, Daphne suspected that her older sister was, in fact, enjoying their little day out, except for the part where she was constantly being asked out. That, Daphne had to admit, must have been a real bummer.

 _That's not going to last much longer_ , she thought. Now that the Trickster King was within the vicinity, any form of enjoyment Sabrina might have been experiencing was soon to vanish.

Almost as soon as Puck had reached their booth, another man - average build, brown hair, cute face - approached their table and sat down right beside Sabrina; opposite Daphne, grinning like an idiot.

Out of the corner of her eye, Daphne saw Puck freeze in his tracks, overfilled plate forgotten in his hand as he stared at the new occupant at their table, an unreadable expression on his face.

Oh boy. This was going to be interesting.

"Hello, beautiful. I was just wondering of if you were a camera, because every time I look at you, I smile."

The unnecessarily loud snort that escaped Daphne's mouth must have caught the guy's attention, because he looked over at her with a frown.

 _It really is sad,_ she thought, _that a person that adorable has absolutely no smarts when it comes to picking up girls._

She hid behind the forkful of steak currently in front of her, averting her eyes and leaving Sabrina to deal with possibly her eighth pursuer of the day. She was pretty impressed when, after shooting Daphne a wicked scowl that promised future vengeance, Sabrina managed to conjure up a smile and politely thank the guy for his compliment.

"So, seeing as though you're alone, I figured you were single. You are single right?"

 _Smart move, buster_. Most of the guys who'd come before this one just basically assumed Sabrina wasn't taken, and almost all had gone in for the kill straight away. Still, this one still lost points for starting the conversation off with a pick-up line. Rookie move. He did have guts, though. She'd give him that.

At Sabrina's slightly awkward nod, the guy grinned and ventured forward. Daphne casually noticed that he hadn't even given his name yet.

 _Desperate? I think yes._

"Well, in that case, I was thinking maybe we could go out later tonight. Maybe a bar or something. What do you think, sweetheart? Oh, I'm Kevin, by the way. Nice to meet you."

Sabrina gingerly shook Kevin's (if that even was his real name) hand, while subtly shooting Daphne a 'help-me-or-I'll-kill-you-in-your-sleep' look. Daphne grinned and shook her head slightly, opting to watch the free entertainment without getting involved in the mess. No matter how many times this had happened today, it still managed to give her the uncontrollable giggles. Watching someone - anyone, really - make Sabrina feel uncomfortable never got old.

 _Now's the part where you get turned down, buddy._

Fully prepared to listen to Sabrina turned down 'Kevin', Daphne smiled into her plate of food and waited for the upcoming humiliation.

"I'm Sabrina, and I would really appreciate it if you'd back off."

Daphne barely refrained from expressing her astonishment at Sabrina's blunt rejection. The last seven or so men (and woman) who'd asked her out had been ever-so-subtly turned down without being outright humiliated, not to mention rejected so harshly. Although, Daphne suspected, it must have been hard having to do this all day long. One was bound to lose it sooner or later, and Kevin was obviously the straw that broke the numerously propositioned camel's back.

The look on Kevin's face had Daphne struggling not to burst into a fit of giggles. Obviously, this guy didn't have an ounce of knowledge when it came dating. His cheesy one-liners must have been a hit with other girls, but Sabrina wasn't like most girls. Or maybe it was just his baby-faced good looks. Those were bound to come in handy in desperate situations.

Throwing out a half-hearted "Sorry," Sabrina turned back to her plate of pasta, and resumed eating as if nothing had happened. Kevin, whom Daphne was starting to feel just the tiniest bit sorry for, was forced to slide out of the booth without so much as a 'Good-bye' from Sabrina. Although he did receive a pitying smile from Daphne, which just seemed to piss the guy off even more.

 _Oh well. You can't please everyone._

"That was kind of harsh, don't you think, sis?" She grinned as Sabrina shot her a shut-up-right-now look.

"No, it wasn't. I've had enough of these desperate idiots to last a lifetime. Can't they see that I'm trying to have a nice, quiet meal with my little sister? Not to mention almost all of them pretended you weren't even there. That's just downright rude. If we weren't surrounded by people right now, I would have-"

"Who was that?"

A shadow fell across their table, and Daphne looked up just in time to see Puck slide into the booth beside her. She briefly registered the look of utter surprise and mortification on her sister's face before leaning in to give Puck a tight hug.

"What are you doing here! I thought you were going to stay at home watching the newest horror movie while eating Easy Cheese."

Puck awkwardly patted her head as he explained. "I figured free food was better than that crap-in-a-can, so I decided to join you. Apparently, so did that airhead over there."

Sabrina shot him a puzzled look. "Free food? There's no free food around here. You have to pay for your meals, you bozo."

"You mean _you_ have to pay for my meals, Stinky."

A growl escaped Sabrina's throat as Puck flashed her a devilish grin. A few seconds later, one piece of cheese-encrusted macaroni sailed through the air in a perfect arc before hitting Puck straight in the forehead.

While all this was happening, Daphne tried not-so-subtly to steal a cream puff off Puck's overflowing plate. Her attempt was unsuccessful as said cream puff was launched at Sabrina, landing a dollop of cream in the centre of her cheek.

Puck laughed as Sabrina gave him the stink-eye, and Daphne sat back in the booth, watching the display of immature flirting.

 _Did it count as flirting of they didn't know they were doing it, though?_ She wondered as she watched Sabrina unsuccessfully try to wipe her cheek.

"Here, let me do it," Puck chuckled as he leaned over the table and gently swiped at the remaining cream on Sabrina's face. Daphne watched Sabrina's skin flush an unusual shade of pink. Puck must have noticed it too, because his hand lingered a touch too long on her sister's cheek before carefully letting go and sitting back down. If Daphne didn't know better, she'd have thought he did it reluctantly, almost as if he didn't want to let go.

Sabrina cleared her throat uncomfortably, and the three sat in slightly awkward silence before Puck shot the table to their right an evil look.

"You still haven't answered my question. Who was that guy from before?"

 _Here we go_ , thought Daphne as she watched Sabrina frown at Puck, then the table to their right, where Kevin was now in the midst of a bunch of other guys, laughing and joking around.

"He's nobody. I don't even know who he is, except for the fact that he's an idiot, and his name is Kevin."

Puck glared at Kevin. "The two of you seemed pretty close to me."

Daphne opened her mouth to speak, but quickly closed it when Sabrina shot her a don't-you-dare look. She swiftly grabbed a cream puff off Puck's long-forgotten plate, and settled back to enjoy the show. After all, she wasn't one to give up an opportunity, and this was far more entertaining than watching guys try to pick Sabrina up.

"I already told you, I don't know him. He just came up to us and started to talk. Why do you care, anyways?"

"Talk about what?"

Daphne noticed that Puck expertly avoided answering the question. Before Sabrina could answer, Daphne cut in.

"He wanted to take Sabrina out on a date."

Puck's head snapped back to the front so quickly Daphne was afraid he'd broken something.

"He...asked you out?"

 _Was that anger she heard in his voice?_

Sabrina's eyes narrowed dangerously. "What, is it so hard to believe that a guy would ask me out on a date?"

Puck sneered. "Yes, actually. What did you say?"

"What do you think I said?"

"What did you say, Grimm?" Puck growled, and Daphne noted the vein twitching in his neck, as well as the tightly clenched fists resting on the table.

 _These two had better get together soon_ , she thought. _I'm getting tired of waiting to be a bridesmaid_.

"She turned him down, just like she did the other seven or so that came before him." Daphne interjected.

There was a few tense seconds of silence, then-

"There were _more_?"

By now, Daphne noted, Sabrina very much resembled a volcano about to erupt. One had to admire her self-control, though. Not everyone would be able to sit through several awkward conversations with strangers _and_ an uncomfortable confrontation with the very irritating Trickster King.

"Yes, there were more. Quite a few, actually. And yes, I did turn them all down. Not only because their approach towards a relationship was awkward and mostly one-sided, but also because not one of them showed an ounce of respect towards Daphne, or even myself, for that matter. They were all rude and inconsiderate. There's no way I would ever go out with a person like that."

Daphne cheered internally, proud that her sister had finally voiced her true opinion. She glanced at Puck, and saw what appeared to be a look of intense concentration on his face. He also seemed slightly... _relieved_.

The look quickly disappeared, and Puck resumed digging into his mountain of food. Daphne and Sabrina did the same, and after a few silent chews and swallows, Puck spoke up around a mouthful of green mush which caused Sabrina to wrinkle her nose in disgust.

"Awkward and one-sided? What's that supposed to mean?"

It took Daphne a second to figure out what he was referring to, and as soon as she realized he was talking about Sabrina's earlier comment on the failed pick-ups, she rushed to explain.

"She meant that almost all of them simply assumed she was single because she wasn't out with a guy, and all of them used a pick-up line to start the conversation."

Puck frowned. "What's a pick-up line?"

The sisters looked at the fairy in shock, then at each other, before returning their gazes to the fairy.

 _Who didn't know what a pick-up line was?_

Quickly getting over her initial shock, Daphne shot her sister a cheeky grin and turned to Puck.

"A pick up line is a sort of conversation opener, like a sentence a guy says to get a girl's interest and hopefully land him a shot at dating. Something like 'Hey girl, feel my sweater. It's made of boyfriend material.'" Daphne burst out laughing at the end. Sabrina glared, noting that the little squirt had used the line a previous guy had used on her.

Puck's frown deepened. "What kind of desperate bastard came up with that idea? He must have been pretty lonely to have to resort to such desperate measures."

Daphne snickered. "Trust me, we've had to sit through enough of them to the point where I'm starting to seriously consider asking that bulky dude over there to run me over with his motorbike. Although they are pretty funny, which still accounts for something."

"I don't find any humour in this, Daphne. This hasn't been the least bit funny. It's been torturous."

"Oh cheer up, sis. I'm sure no one else will bother you know that Puck's here."

Before either of the two blondes could object or question her statement, another dark-haired man walked up to their table. This one looked about twenty, with rugged good looks and a lopsided grin. He was, in Daphne's opinion- mucho hotto.

"Hello there, gorgeous. How are you doing today?"

Certain that Mr Attractive wasn't talking to her, Daphne quickly tuned out the conversation, and focused her attention on Puck.

If volcanoes could resemble a person, Daphne mused, that person would be Puck. The poor guy was fuming, face red, eyes narrowed, fists clenched. His lips were pulled back into a sneer, and if looks could kill, Daphne was certain that Mr Attractive would be six feet under popping daffodils by now. His gravestone would probably read something like, "I angered a four thousand year old fairy...and this is what I got."

Seeing another possible opportunity, Daphne grabbed the almost full plate of food and slid it in front of her. Picking up a delicious looking chicken strip, she settled back and got comfortable.

This was going to be one hell of a show.

Deciding that tuning back into the conversation might be a good idea at this point, Daphne went ahead and refocused her attention on the hot guy across from her and not that delectable looking slice of raspberry cheesecake.

"There's something wrong with my phone, sugar."

Sugar. That was new.

Sabrina shot the new guy a bored and overly sarcastic face. "What's that, _sugar_?"

"It doesn't have your number in it."

And there goes number nine. Honestly, what was with people today? Was it national Pick-Up-A-Chick day or something? Was that even a holiday? If it wasn't, the government should seriously consider it as a possibility, if not only for having a holiday with a name that sounded so gravy.

Daphne could almost hear Sabrina groan internally. She looked over at Puck to see the fairy shooting daggers at Mr Attractive. Without warning, Puck snatched his plate of food back and slid it across to his side of the table, before violently tucking into the food. Daphne shot a wistful look towards her beloved, and then continued to wait for the upcoming showdown.

It didn't take long.

Right before Sabrina turned to face Mr Attractive (whos' name just so happened to be Nick), Daphne saw something wide and orange coloured fly through the air. Within seconds, it had landed right on Nick's shirt, splattering his entire chest, neck, and some of his handsome face with what Daphne supposed was sweet potato pie.

A shocked silence filled the entire diner, and Daphne looked around the place to see most of the customers hiding bewildered expressions behind the palms of their hands. Others giggled uncontrollably, and a few simply stared on in unamused boredom, as if this were the norm. Maybe it was.

Daphne turned back to face Nick, who, if his outraged face was anything to go by, was silently planning a step-by-step assassination. Victim in case being the smirking blonde fairy idiot who was sitting in front of him.

"Wh...you...you...how _dare_ you-"

"Shut up, peasant."

Another tense silence passed. Nick stared at Puck with outraged disbelief, and Puck simply stared back with a cocky expression on his face, eyes glimmering with...was that... _possession_?

"Peasant? Peasant?! PEASANT?!"

"Yes, peasant. You've repeated the word three times already. Congratulations, you've properly mastered the pronunciation of the word."

Daphne tried to compress her giggle, but a part of it slipped out anyway. Three pairs of murderous eyes - all for different reasons - turned on her, as well as another two dozen or so curious looks being sent to their table by patrons.

"Why don't you run along and get cleaned up, pretty boy? I'm sure your mother will help you with that big mess you've made of yourself."

Cutlery and plates rattled as Nick shot up violently from his spot at the booth. He leaned over the table menacingly, sending Puck one of the dirtiest looks Daphne had ever seen (and she'd seen quite a few many in her life. Sabrina was the master of dirty looks and condescending leers.) She was highly surprised - and impressed, when Puck didn't even bat an eye. In fact, she could have sworn his smirk widened.

"Listen here, you filthy little scum-"

In two seconds flat, the guy was lying on his stomach across the table, his entire body now covered in various foodstuffs. Behind him stood Sabrina, fist clenched and face furious. If the loud groan was anything to go by, Daphne guessed that Sabrina's well-practiced right hook had met it's mark.

"Don't you _ever_ talk to Puck like that again."

Nick (who Daphne was feeling the slightest bit sorry for), carefully extracted himself from the table. His entire shirt was covered in the remnants of their food, and his look of utter disgust was almost comical.

"Did you just... _hit me_?"

"Yes, I did, actually. What are you going to do about it, buster? Throw me another pick-up line? I've had it with you idiots. If I hear another pick-up line, I swear the first person I see is going to become my life-long punching bag. Go get cleaned up, Princess. And next time, if you're going to use a pick-up line on a girl, you should probably make sure that she's even remotely interested in you, because it's not going to work out if she's not, buddy."

And with that, Sabrina angrily removed herself from the booth and, with a jingle of the doorbells, she was gone.

Daphne saw Puck, still sitting in the booth, a look of utter shock and...something else, on his face. A few seconds passed, and suddenly, as if a switch had been flipped, he jumped out of the booth and headed out after Sabrina, calling her name in the process.

She looked over at Nick apologetically. "Sorry, pal. I think my sister's just a little fed up with all this picking-up nonsense. You're not to blame, I guess. You really should get cleaned up. I hear cream isn't good for your cotton shirts."

With a sheepish smile and a hasty wave to the numerous customers still looking their way, Daphne headed out the door.

She looked left and right, and after discovering that the two were nowhere to be seen, Daphne rounded the corner of the building, only to quickly back up and retrace her steps around the building again. What she saw gave her a happy little thrill, and it was all she could do not to stop an excited squeal from escaping.

Puck had had Sabrina's wrists locked above her head, and his body was snugly pressed against hers. The two were furiously making out, and Daphne was sure she'd seen a few bits of tongue.

It would be a while before they returned to that diner.

...

 **ALL DONE!**

 **Yes. Finally. It's taken forever to finish this story. I think it's my longest one-shot yet. Gosh, it's been, what...a week? I've been writing snippets here and there, editing, thinking up ideas, writing some more. It's been tiring, but this is the end result, and Gosh am I proud.**

 **Read it. Review it. Love it.**

 **:)**


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